What Does It Really Mean to Be a Godly Man or Woman?

Genesis 1:27 and a shared calling to Christlike character

By Pastor John Erickson with Pastor Rachael

What comes to mind when you hear the phrase "a real man"?

Maybe you picture someone strong, independent, successful, and not especially interested in talking about feelings. Someone who can fix the sink, change the tire, and carry everything from the car in one trip.

Now what about "a real woman"? Depending on the culture you grew up in, you might picture a completely different list of expected behaviors.

The problem is that those lists change with time and place. And they don't always have much to do with Jesus.

Pastor Rachael and I have spent time thinking through a more useful question: what if the best measure of a godly man or woman isn't a cultural stereotype, but Christlikeness?

Different words, different conversations

Part of the difficulty is that people sometimes use the same words to mean different things. It helps to distinguish biological sex, gender identity, and cultural gender roles.

Our focus was on gender roles-the expectations societies place on men and women about how they should behave.

This article focuses on cultural expectations rather than attempting to resolve every question about gender identity. It's an important and complicated topic, and trying to cover it all at once would not do it justice.

But we can evaluate stereotypes against Scripture. Does the Bible really say boys shouldn't cry? That a courageous woman is somehow less feminine? That men can lead only by being forceful? That a woman's value depends on marriage or motherhood?

I remember hearing boys told not to cry, as though showing emotion made them less of a man. If a boy struggled with sports, someone might say he threw like a girl. That message wounds boys by shaming their vulnerability, and it insults girls by treating them as the definition of weakness.

Those assumptions may feel familiar. Familiarity doesn't make them biblical.

Look at Jesus

Jesus is the clearest picture Christians have of what a human life surrendered to the Father looks like.

And Jesus isn't particularly interested in squeezing himself into all our cultural categories.

He is strong and courageous. He confronts hypocrisy. He also weeps, shows compassion, welcomes children, cares tenderly for people in pain, and willingly lays down his rights for others.

A culture may tell men that tenderness is weakness. Jesus shows us a strength that is not afraid to love.

Ephesians 5:25 calls husbands to love their wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. Notice what that requires. It isn't domination. It is sacrifice.

If our picture of masculinity leaves no room for humility, service, and tenderness, it is too small to fit Jesus.

Scripture's picture of women is bigger too

Consider Proverbs 31. The woman described there is clothed with strength and dignity. She works, plans, trades, provides, speaks wisely, and shows care for others. The passage doesn't portray a passive person waiting for someone else to make her life meaningful.

And look at how Jesus treats women in the Gospels. He receives them as disciples, honors their dignity, includes them in his ministry, and challenges social conventions that treat them as less valuable.

Some women are naturally quiet and gentle. Others are outspoken leaders. Some love being at home with children. Others are not mothers, or cannot have children, or live out their calling in different ways.

Those differences do not determine their worth before God.

The same is true for men whose interests and personalities do not match the stereotype they inherited. Playing sports, making money, or being physically imposing are not prerequisites for belonging to Christ.

The fruit of the Spirit doesn't come in two lists

Galatians 5:22-23 is wonderfully inconvenient for our stereotypes.

Paul describes love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control as the fruit of the Spirit.

He doesn't write one list for men and another list for women.

All followers of Jesus are called to grow in these qualities.

Men need gentleness. Women need courage. Men need patience. Women need self-control. Of course, all of us need all of these things. The Spirit isn't trying to make half of the church reflect one small portion of Jesus and the other half reflect the rest.

We're all called to become like him.

Unique people, shared calling

This doesn't mean distinctions between people don't matter. They do. Each person's body, history, personality, gifts, and experience shape how they live their calling.

But a stereotype should not become a spiritual requirement that leaves someone feeling defective because they don't fit the expected mold.

The church ought to be a place where we encourage one another toward Christ, rather than asking everyone to perform a particular version of masculinity or femininity.

Paul's picture of the body of Christ in 1 Corinthians 12 is helpful here. Different members bring different gifts, and the body needs them all. No one is valuable only because they resemble somebody else's ideal.

So instead of asking whether a person looks sufficiently manly or feminine according to our cultural habits, let's ask questions that lead somewhere better.

Are they growing in love? Are they becoming more honest, courageous, humble, gentle, and faithful? Are they learning to serve people with the gifts God has given them?

That's not a lesser calling. It's the calling of every disciple.

And it starts by looking at Jesus.