Are You Trying to Carry a Life That Was Meant to Be Shared?

Ecclesiastes 4 and the strength of a life shared with others

By Pastor John Erickson

We talk a lot about having a personal relationship with Jesus.

And we should. God knows us and invites us to know him. Nobody else can simply have a relationship with him on our behalf.

But I think we can accidentally turn personal into private.

My faith. My walk. My choices. My spiritual life.

And somewhere along the way, we start acting as though following Jesus is supposed to be an individual project, with occasional visits from other Christians if our schedule allows.

Ecclesiastes 4 has a different picture.

Success Can Be an Awfully Lonely Pursuit

The Teacher looks at work, achievement, and envy. People push themselves, compete with one another, and spend enormous effort trying to get ahead.

Then he describes a person who is completely alone, working endlessly, never satisfied with what he has, and never stopping to ask an obvious question: "For whom am I toiling?"

That's a haunting question.

Why am I doing all of this?

What good is the promotion, the bigger house, or the growing account if there is nobody with whom to share the life I'm building?

I think we can fill loneliness with busyness. Another commitment. Another goal. Another project. Something to keep us from noticing that our relationships are thin and our days are crowded.

But Ecclesiastes doesn't tell us that the answer is simply to stop working. It also warns against laziness and refusing responsibility.

So if endless striving isn't the answer, and doing nothing isn't the answer, what is?

The Teacher points us toward one another.

"Two Are Better Than One"

Ecclesiastes 4:9 says, "Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor."

I hear this verse at weddings. And it absolutely applies to marriage. Gina is my best friend, and we are better because we challenge and encourage each other.

But I think we make a mistake if we treat this as a marriage passage and leave everyone else out.

It's about friendship, community, partnership, and the way God has designed us to walk through life together.

Jesus himself sent his disciples out in pairs. He could have sent twice as many individual people to twice as many towns. Instead, he showed them that shared ministry matters.

Now, is working with someone always easier?

Absolutely not.

Sometimes another person's idea is different from mine. Sometimes collaboration requires me to slow down or compromise. Sometimes I'd get something done faster by doing it myself.

I used to think the ideal team would be full of people like me. Imagine how much we could get done if everybody agreed with my approach. That sounds efficient until you realize how many of my blind spots we would share.

Working alongside others has taught me to value strengths I do not have. There have been times when another pastor approached a passage differently than I would have, or a worship leader chose songs outside my favorites. Partnership asks me to make room for more than my preferences.

But easier isn't always better.

The relationship formed through doing something together can be every bit as valuable as the task itself.

Who Helps You Up When You Fall?

The next verse says that if one person falls, another can help them up. But pity the person who falls with nobody there to help.

We fall in different ways.

Sometimes we get overwhelmed by circumstances. Sometimes we become discouraged. Sometimes we fail morally or spiritually.

And in those moments, we find out what our relationships are made of.

Galatians 6 tells believers to restore someone caught in sin gently. Notice the language. Restore, not humiliate.

When somebody falls, we have a choice. We can stand over them and point out how foolish the fall was. Or we can get down beside them and help them stand again.

I think about how easily we judge someone who is trapped by something we don't struggle with. We look at their situation and say, "How could you let that happen?"

But we're all vulnerable. We all need people who are strong where we are weak.

And we need to become the kind of people who offer that help in return.

Warmth Has to Go Both Ways

Ecclesiastes gives another image: two travelers lying down together to keep warm.

In our world, that may sound a little strange. I have friends I care about very much, but we don't normally lie in a pile together to preserve body heat.

For travelers without modern equipment and accommodations, though, shared warmth was practical. Going alone required more supplies and greater risk.

Here's something I love about the picture: warmth is reciprocal.

You can't receive another person's warmth without offering some of your own.

So let me ask a slightly uncomfortable question. Are you the person in your relationships who is always taking? Always needing support, but rarely offering it?

Or have you become the person who gives constantly and never lets anybody care for you?

Healthy community is not a performance by one person for everybody else. It is shared life.

We Are Stronger Together

The Teacher finishes by saying one person may be overpowered, two can defend themselves, and a cord of three strands is not quickly broken.

That doesn't mean good relationships make us invincible. It means life is harder to withstand alone.

I remember a time when Gina, the kids, and I were all sick and stayed home. Our church team stepped up, and everything kept going. If the whole thing had depended on me, there would not have been a service that day.

That is not a failure of leadership. It is a beautiful reminder that the body of Christ is bigger than one person. Shared life means there are people who can carry what you cannot carry today.

I wonder how many people attend church surrounded by others and still feel that nobody truly knows them.

We can sing the same songs, listen to the same sermon, and leave without ever allowing somebody into our actual life.

So take inventory. Who knows what's really happening with you? Who can ask hard questions and receive honest answers? Who could you call if things fell apart?

And just as importantly: whose life are you helping carry?

God did not design us to follow Jesus as isolated individuals.

Two are better than one. That isn't just a nice line for a wedding. It's an invitation to build a life with people.