What Would Change If Christians Were Known for Gentleness?

Titus 3 challenges our instinct to fight before we listen

By Pastor John Erickson

I want you to imagine asking people who don't attend church to describe Christians in one or two words.

What do you think they would say?

Would they say gracious? Gentle? Peaceable? Would they talk about how thoughtful we are, how carefully we speak, or how willing we are to help?

Or would they say something else?

That's not a comfortable question, because I know my own behavior doesn't always measure up to the description I'm hoping for.

And then I read Titus 3, and Paul makes the question even harder to avoid.

The People We're Supposed to Be

Titus is helping Christians learn how to live as followers of Jesus in a complicated world. And in Titus 3:1-2, Paul tells him to remind the church to be ready for every good work, to slander no one, to be peaceable and considerate, and to show gentleness toward everyone.

Everyone.

It would be a whole lot easier if he said, "Show gentleness toward people who agree with you." Or "Be peaceable unless someone posts something ridiculous." That's a command I think I could manage.

But Paul doesn't give us that exception.

He also speaks about respecting governing authorities. That doesn't erase the biblical examples of believers refusing commands that would require them to disobey God. Daniel's friends and the apostles both show us that loyalty to God can involve costly resistance. But even then, the manner in which followers of Jesus act matters.

Paul's concern is not merely what we do. It is how we do it.

We Can Be Right and Still Be Wrong

Sometimes Christians act like the only question that matters is whether our position is correct.

If I'm right, then surely I can say it however I want. I can insult somebody. I can be sarcastic, dismissive, and downright mean. After all, the truth is on my side, right?

Except Titus says we are to slander no one.

Not just people we like. No one.

Truth matters. So does love. If our behavior contradicts the message we claim to defend, people notice.

Gina and I became lead pastors at the beginning of 2020. We announced that change from our living room during the first week of the shutdown. It was a strange introduction to a new season of leadership.

As we navigated reopening and mask requirements, I faced criticism I was not prepared for. I spent a great deal of time praying about the decisions. But looking back, the hardest admission is about my own heart. I let anger, resentment, and frustration build. There were times I was not peaceable, considerate, or gentle.

Even if I believed I had made the right decision, that did not make every part of my response right. Titus would not let me separate my position from the person I was becoming.

That doesn't mean avoiding difficult conversations. Sometimes loving someone requires having one. It does mean that gentleness isn't optional while we have it.

Remember Who You Used to Be

Paul does something fascinating in Titus 3:3. After telling us to be gentle toward others, he reminds us of our own past. We too, he says, were foolish, deceived, and tangled up in destructive desires.

Then come two of my favorite words in Scripture: "But when."

When God's kindness and love appeared, he saved us-not because of righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy (Titus 3:4-5).

There it is. The reason we can treat people with patience isn't that they're always making good choices. It's that God showed patience to us when we weren't making good choices either.

It's remarkably easy to forget that.

We look at somebody who doesn't understand the things we understand, who has different values, or who behaves in a way we find offensive, and we respond as if we were born knowing everything we now believe.

Paul says, "Remember."

Remember the mess God met you in. Remember the mercy that brought you out. Remember that none of us talked or behaved our way into God's family.

Gentle Doesn't Mean Passive

Sometimes we hear words like gentle and peaceable and assume they mean doing nothing.

That's not what the letter says.

Paul repeatedly tells believers to devote themselves to doing good. Kindness isn't the absence of action. It is a different kind of action. It moves toward people, serves people, and seeks their good without demanding that they first deserve our help.

And yes, there are limits. Gentleness does not mean allowing someone to harm you or another person without intervention. Protecting people is itself a way of doing good.

But it does mean refusing to use cruelty as a shortcut to influence.

A follower of Jesus doesn't have to win the shouting match.

Start with the Person in Front of You

I can't control every loud voice claiming to represent Christianity. I can't fix every painful thing that's happened in a church. And I can't make somebody else act kindly.

But I can ask God to work on me.

I can refuse to slander someone. I can slow down before responding. I can choose to see the person across from me as somebody God loves, not as a position I need to defeat.

I can be devoted to doing good rather than devoted to being right.

Paul says the kindness and love of God appeared to us in Jesus. Now what if that same kindness became visible in the people who follow him?

That would be a witness worth having.